When Atticus was small he would regularly be playing happily with his toys when seemingly out of nowhere he would begin screaming and crying, reacting as if he was in mind-splitting pain but with no obvious source. It would be many years before one of his teachers suggested autism. Usually people blamed everything on his…… Continue reading Becoming Aware
As I wandered through my attempts at healing, there were so many times when I had to ask myself, “Am I just paying to be gaslit?” In group classes or group therapies, at motivational speeches, at exercise classes or in inspirational tiktoks, even at church, so often the advice is just, “Tell yourself you don’t…… Continue reading Start Sarcastic
These days I proudly call myself a singer, but it took me a really long time to embrace that identity. I had several run-ins with teacher/ coach/director types that snuffed it out of me at a vulnerable stage. I had to rediscover my love of singing, and I had to learn how to deal with…… Continue reading Self talk and tough love
This morning I was cooking a more involved breakfast than usual and as I sat there chopping I had a shocking realization. I hadn’t turned on music, or a podcast, or the television, or taken a phone call, or used any of the other methods of distraction I typically use. I was working in silence,…… Continue reading Feeling at home in your mind
I’ve been in plenty of liberation spaces and recovery spaces with fat people and the stories I’ve heard make me angry and heartbroken and determined to keep working. The one that I don’t think I’ll ever forget is when someone told me how they are careful exerting themselves in public because they didn’t want to…… Continue reading Body Cops and Gatekeepers
Sometimes I wish I could be less snarky and just embrace the soft voices and flowy fabrics of the typical healing spaces. I would love to see a barefoot woman with wild hair and loose clothing and a beatific smile and accept the positive vibes she offers. But I can’t get past the cynicism. I…… Continue reading When your body is your enemy
As a disabled person, I have a real beef with Manifesting. The Secret, the Law of Attraction, all that kind of stuff gets really dark really fast when you’re sick. Nobody deserves to think that they’re sick because they brought it on themselves with their mind. But it’s seductive to believe. It’s nice to think…… Continue reading Creating Your Reality