In video games food seems so simple. PacMan eats the fruit to gain powers. Mario eats a mushroom to grow. You eat a piece of meat or a candy bar and your health restores.
In the real world food is smothered with shame and moralizing and control.
For generations our dominate culture has taught us to view food as a symbol for righteousness and virtue, not as an answer to our physical needs.
We inherited bad science, coercive religious practices, and oppressive mental conditioning that tells us food is not to be enjoyed, it is to be controlled. That the better you are at abstaining, ignoring, and denying those physical needs, the better citizen, family member, employee, and person you were.
I find this conditioning to be chilling, now that I know about cult indoctrination. Denying food is how coercive systems gain control over people. Diet culture trains us all to ignore our body needs and join the cult of capitalism.
What we have been taught about how to feed ourselves is all about making money and controlling us through shame. To find a productive relationship with food, it requires deconstructing those beliefs and reevaluating what food is for.
No matter how sure the person is, if they are quoting science at you that says intentional weight loss is a productive goal, they are wrong. Even if they’re your mother.
We do not have agreed upon science about any of this. So many billions of dollars have gone into research and prevention of “obesity” and we have so little to show for it. All we’ve really proven is that everything we thought we knew is wrong.
The brilliant podcast Maintenance Phase covers this thoroughly. So much of what we have been taught about food is just what marketers wanted us to think. In reality the ways our bodies work is so diverse that our needs are wildly different. Even down to the amount of calories we can burn and what kind.
The reality show The Biggest Loser became an unfortunate human trial experiment, and a lot of science on weight loss was gathered over its run. Among other revelations on the damage done through intentional weight loss, scientists discovered the tremendous harm these extreme behaviors have to a body’s metabolism.
Food restriction is not a math formula that will create a body acceptable to society. As author and professor Herman Pontzer says, “The body will just push back if you push too hard.”
Sometimes the body pushes back through eating disorders. Dieting has been proven to be the largest risk factor in developing these dangerous conditions. Repeat dieting and the damage done to metabolism can trigger binge eating, restriction in diets is regularly severe enough to qualify for anorexia.
If even Oprah Winfrey herself, a woman with all the motivation and resources in the world, could not diet her way down to thin and stay there, why would we think it would be possible for any of the rest of us?
Food is more than fuel, and nourishment is more than just eating. Nourishment is feeding your body whatever feels like care.
Our bodies need food, and starting on a foundation of restriction is not a productive or sustainable approach. We eat for nourishment, and that includes refueling, sensory experiences, and joy.
The only thing you can say about food that is true across all bodies, is that humans require calories for fuel. Any claim beyond that is leaving someone out, and that someone could be you.
People with celiac disease need a gluten free diet. People with anemia need more protein. People with high blood pressure need low sodium. People with POTS need high sodium. Our nutritional needs are so diverse, that it’s madness how many diet programs claim to be THE ONE that will lead to health and satisfaction. No diet can possibly get the same results across bodies, so there is no way to “fail” a diet program. Diet programs fail us.
When there is so much moralizing tied up in how and what we eat, it feels like a personal failure when we can’t control how our body responds. Instead of recognizing that the diet program was the problem – because it didn’t reflect your needs, because it was impossible to follow, because it cost a fortune, because it left you famished – blaming the individual is such an easy trap to fall into.
Even things that seem universally bad can still be appropriate when you are looking at the care needs of a body. Sugar isn’t always bad from a trauma and disability informed perspective. Simple sugars are easy to digest which is necessary for lots of different medical conditions. CPTSD means that you are often stuck in fight or flight, and that getting to rest and digest is difficult. I have lived through many years where my options were junk food or no food. All body needs are individual.
When Atticus was born he was the product of 8 years of fertility treatments. So I had PLANS about the kind of mom I was going to be. I made all his baby food from scratch. I pureed fruit and vegetables and froze them in ice cube trays. I made little ground salmon patties for his lunch. And as he grew, we discovered none of that was actually helpful to Atticus. His autism meant that predictability in his food was more important than any of my gourmet efforts. If I actually wanted to get him to eat, I needed to put away my plans and just meet his needs. Which means he eats a lot of food I swore he never would – cheezits, hostess pastries, kraft mac and cheese and protein bars. Food that he can count on tasting the same every time. Getting him refueled is the more important priority, so I had to get on board with the kind of fuel he takes.
For Atticus, surprise tastes and textures are a barrier that will prevent him eating anything at all. For me, complicated preparation or large meals will mean I don’t eat. So Atticus eats processed foods and I graze all day. The food plan that will work for you isn’t one correct and virtuous diet, it is the one with the fewest barriers to overcome.
Food is fuel that we all deserve, but it is not just fuel. Food is art. Food is sensation. It is Proust’s Madeline involuntarily evoking memory. It is the feeling of care you get when a loved one prepares you a meal. It is oral gratification.
Oral gratification is a term I learned in the midst of an emotional breakdown. I had gone to a nutritionist looking for help for my gastroparesis and she spent our whole appointment telling me to stop drinking soda. I was struggling so much that I could barely eat anything at all, so when the nutritionist didn’t want to talk about how little I was eating but instead wanted me to give up the one thing I could count on being able to ingest, I came home and had a weeping fall apart.
My husband works in elder care, so he told me about oral gratification as he hugged me. He told me about how important it is for elders to be able to eat food they enjoy in order to ward off malnutrition, and that the psychological benefits of eating are so profound that patients who otherwise don’t eat by mouth anymore are often given pudding just so they can experience the pleasure of the sensory experience.
When we learn to view food only as a threat or as fuel, we miss out on the pleasure of the eating experience. We miss the taste, the texture, the artistic unfolding of a beautiful dish. We are missing out on one of the great joys of being alive.
Food can be a great expression of joy, and it can be a great source of it. Food becomes a vehicle of so much that is hard to express in words. Entire cultures are represented in heritage dishes. Traditional foods evoke home. Comfort foods remind you of safety and care.
Food allows us to connect over our humanity. A shared meal creates friendships, soothes conflicts, creates romance. It communicates the care of the person who prepared it, connection to the people who grew the ingredients, and appreciation to those who created it.
And food can be fun! When have you ever been to a good party that had bad food? Once food is divorced from the controlling expectations of virtue, the joy of it returns.
At Body Loyalty, we define Nourishment as “any practice of feeding your body what it needs for sustenance.
This includes whatever food you need, food you can enjoy, a treatment plan, Health at Every Size, or Intuitive eating, but it also includes what you choose for your sensory diet and how you are creating joy in your life.
Nourishing sustenance includes anything you need to maintain your life. Feed your senses with what feels like joy and you will find reward – just like a health pack in a video game.