During the subscription box boom of the mid 2010’s, I was an entrepreneur. My business partner and I launched a subscription box themed around self care supplies. We had bonded over some shared traumatic calamities and knew how important self care was to our survival, so in the girl boss theme of the time, we decided the best way to bring that to people was for sale through a subscription box. We were even selected for the final round of a pitch competition over it.
It didn’t take long after our launch, however, for me to become disillusioned. Despite all our work to create a substantive, educational, valuable product, at the end of the day we found ourselves as just another voice on instagram trying to sell something. It was an incredibly valuable experience and we got beautiful feedback from our customers, but ultimately it just wasn’t a sustainable business model. Because if you’re doing it right, self care has nothing to do with buying things.
The origins of self care are from the most vulnerable and marginalized communities. Not diet companies or soap manufacturers. It comes from disabled people trying to survive and civil rights activists fighting for their humanity. It is about filling in the gaps between what you need, and what society is willing to provide for you.
Self care started in the mental institutions of the 1950’s. Nurses and other clinicians created programs to teach disabled and institutionalized people the skills of daily living they would need to take care of themselves independently. Feeding themselves, following up on medical care, performing hygiene tasks for both themselves and their environment. Dorothea Orem is a nurse and educator who worked to teach clinicians about the importance of these skills for a person’s overall health and wellbeing. Orem’s self care theory is taught as foundational to nursing today.
In the 1960’s Black civil rights activists developed self care further, creating a resource that supported marginalized communities and sustained activists in their fight against oppression. Black Panthers developed programs for free breakfasts, education, and community health clinics. In her book Burst of Light, Audre Lorde wrote an essay about living with chronic cancer and navigating a medical system biased against her. In the quote that has become foundational to us here, she said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
How did a set of skills geared towards keeping the most marginalized of us alive become about going to brunch with friends and buying expensive skincare? I bet you know the answer. $$$
Everything about health and wellness in America is for profit. Whether you go through a medical doctor bound by insurance authorizations or an alternative healer or a wellness charlatan, everything comes down to prioritizing money. So it is not a big jump in logic for some to argue that anything that prioritizes money provides health and wellness. This has been a common argument in every decision weighing the economy vs public health. It’s a vicious lie that is destroying our society as we watch, and chewing each of us up in its efforts.
This wellness capitalism will latch on to something that is gaining attention and strip it of its original meaning. They will co-opt whatever seems to be making strides in the culture and twist it to benefit them. That is how ‘body positivity’ now means instagram thirst traps and ‘woke’ became an umbrella term to mean ‘anything Right Wing Media doesn’t like.’ Self care turns in to ‘buy our stuff and pretend that makes up for all the ways society fails you.’
Self care, when done right, is radical resistance. It is refusing to accept the dehumanization Power is offering and demanding the respect of human dignity. Like The Nap Ministry says, “Rest is resistance.” Insisting on caring for yourself and meeting the needs of your body is standing up against any force that says you don’t deserve it.
Learning how to care for yourself properly means learning what food your body does best with. What movement your body benefits the most from. What kind of specific hygiene needs your body has. All of these things are unique to the individual and there is no plan that is appropriate for everyone. Or even most! So there is no correct or righteous plan to follow, no matter how they are marketed.
When it comes to needing to restore the body, the things you need are the basics. No fancy gym clothes or miracle products. If you are in crisis and need to pull yourself together, the fastest way to restore is to practice the things you need to survive. Take a deep breath, get a class of water, eat something, get some rest, hug someone, move your body.
Care is our birthright. We were born into this world needing to be cared for and needing to offer care. But we are being sold care, right down to the water we need to drink. Circumstances mean we might need to buy it, but even then we can keep from buying in. Every person deserves the dignity of care, including ourselves.